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There’s been rumblings all week regarding Bloomberg and the ban on sugary drinks over 16 ounces. NPR has stepped it up a notch. And general curiosity almost has me tempted to try this concoction and tempt diabeetus. 

The Bloomberg

To celebrate our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Diabetes, we’ve created the sugariest drink in the world. We call it “The Bloomberg.”

Ingredients:

• 1 part Coca-Cola
• 1 part Yoo-hoo
• 1 part Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino
• 1 part Red Bull
• 1 part Mountain Dew Kickstart, Mountain Dew’s inexplicable new energy drink
• 1 part Pillsbury Funfetti cake frosting
• 1 part Marshmallow Fluff
• 1 part Hummingbird Food (We actually couldn’t find any, due to supply chain issues and a Divine Force protecting us.)
• 1 part Mrs. Butterworth’s pancake syrup
• 1 part aerosol whipped cream
• 1 part Kool-Aid
• 1 part Cadbury Creme Egg creme (You’ll have to extract the creme yourself, because for some reason they don’t yet sell it on its own. If you’re trying to eat healthy, just use the Cadbury Creme Egg white.)
• 1 part Nutella
• 1 part sugar
• 1 part Country Time Lemonade Mix
• 1 part Gatorade (for fitness)

Instructions:

Serve in a glass with a sugar rim. Garnish with whipped cream, a stick of Big Red gum and a Marshmallow Peep. Be careful not to cry directly into the glass, as the salt of your tears will ruin the taste.

As you add the ingredients one by one, you’ll notice the colors are constantly changing, like a sunset.

Continue reading for the test testers’ opinions. My favorite: “ I imagine this is what Wilford Brimley’s blood tastes like”.