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I’m about half complete with a bottle of wine so now is as good of time to compose this. Usually I avoid these sort of, “end of the year/new beginnings” posts. However 2012 was such a grand transition year for myself I thought it warranted a summary. If only for my own sanity. 

I began the year in one place in my life only to abandon it all for a completely new location and outlook on life. 

Late 2011 into 2012 began a new friendship that bloomed from mere acquaintances to said individual becoming one of my closest confidants. All because of our weekly outings to the Minneapolis Beer School. The two of us meeting every Wednesday night for beer samplings, dinner, more drinks and conversations. Any sort of awkwardness immediately dissipates between us as we bond on multiple levels and find another like-minded individual. Enter hilarious and poignant late nights of drinking, semi-stalking her famous musician crush, and spending late summer nights drunk on her apartment floor listening to Tom Waits.  

Valuable lessons are learned. The beginning of 2012 taught me that the idealized image of someone doesn’t disappoint. The crushing realization does. A man I coveted for an absurd amount of years reenters my life. My heart is not broken by any means but our time together quickly ends. It ends with me irritated and wishing I could have kept the image of us at age 19 alive. 

March comes the demise of my second car. This car had been the bane of my existence within months of its original purchase. Finally I say, “enough” and bid it adieu. Brand new car purchased, despite my reservations. Namely because I still feel there are universal plans for me to be living in New York within a year. I am assured by family that such a situation can be figured out once/if that time comes. Said time comes both sooner and later than intended. 

The personal life flows nicely together through the months of April-July. To backtrack a bit, I am informed by my father during Christmastime 2011 that his present to me is a flight to San Diego for Comic-Con 2012. Safe to say, such a pilgrimage has been a life-long goal of mine. Or, at the very least, a goal of mine since discovering such an event existed. In preparation, I become reinvested in comics. I had stopped in middle school/early high school. But becoming refamiliar in this form of art eventually introduces me to a charming local Minneapolis comic book shop and its two fantastic owners. 

May I reconnect with a former coworker turned friend. Both of us are attending Comic-Con and both enjoy reading comics (although he never game up on the passion). We reconnect during the Marvel Movie Marathon. Another reason for me reconnecting with the comic book work and preparation for July’s event. The movie marathon may be an odd event to highlight in this reflection but it was genuinely such a great feeling being surrounded in a movie theater with like-minded individuals. 16 hours of Marvel movies (including breaks) and the mood within the theater was of constant joy. Also doesn’t help The Avengers was such a perfect popcorn movie. 

Sadly a day before the movie marathon is the conclusion of Beer School. I am saddened by this as my weekly interactions with the friend mentioned earlier in this most diminishes to monthly, at best. 

July comes the big week. Comic-Con. Having a theater filled with geeks doesn’t even compute with what I experienced. So much that my Facebook album of the events is one of the very few albums I’ve made public. Just because I want anyone interested to see the experience and get a taste of the happiness I felt. Being surrounded in a movie theater is nothing compared to the 130,000+ in attendance at SDCC. 

That’s not to say it wasn’t filled with frustration. Waiting hours on end certainly takes its toll. Especially when you wait so long and you don’t get to attend the event in question (*cough*Iron Man III panel *cough*). Not everyone wants to be your friend. Namely, women who felt threatened by you in costume (but that’s just personal experience). Despite these occasional bouts of frustration, the week in San Diego was superb. Waiting in lines with people that you know have at least one thing in common with you. Seeing creators/actors/writers that you’ve coveted for years. Truly cosplaying for the first time, making people nostalgic for the character you’re representing, and getting several photographs of you taken. 

I could recant snippets of random stories throughout the week but that could be a post in itself. Instead, I will just look forward to (hopefully) attending the event once again this year. 

September I revisit New York with the intentions to find an apartment to call my own. It does not go successfully and generally made me feel like the week was a colossal waste. Obviously there were some highlights but the original intention was all for naught. Also during this stay I came to a crashing consciousness that seeing my family during the holidays is utterly important. I question whether I’m truly ready to venture to a new state, to a new life. 

October. Mid-to-late month. A sudden bout of fortune comes my way. A friend of Chris is looking for a roommate for her pre-established apartment. A couple e-mails are exchanged, a couple Skype dates, but I keep most of the discussions close to my chest. The notion of moving so soon gives me knots in my stomach. Especially since I had recently agreed to be a bridesmaid at a very intimate wedding for an individual who has helped my family out numerous times throughout the years. Ultimately I come to the conclusion- I’ve found my New York apartment. I wreck my brain over how to tell my parents. It finally comes out one night at a fast food restaurant right before seeing a movie. They are surprisingly accepting of the news. 

November. Preparation for the move is officially underway. Although, to this day, I realize I never 100% packed. I tell my workplace. It catches them by surprise but they’re ultimately happy for me. I visit friends for some goodbyes. I don’t see nearly as much as I wanted. The moving van is packed up the weekend of the 10th/11th (sidenote: if you’re just moving one person look into Enterprise. It’s significantly cheaper and I was able to fit nearly everything into a cargo van). The night prior I become an absolute wreck on the floor of my former bedroom. But on November 12th I set off for this new chapter in my life. 

The ride itself it overall soothing. The notion of losing my complete life with a simple break-in makes semi-restless nights so the nights spent in motel rooms often consisted of me checking to make sure the van wasn’t broken into. 

I meet my new roommates for the first time. They help acclimate me to New York. Skype frequently with my parents. I’m now, for the first time, within walking distance of my best friend. Many Monday mornings are spent with him, consisting of breakfast and watching the previous night’s The Walking Dead. Thanksgiving is spent with Chris and one of the roommates. It’s oddly soothing. Like I found a mini rag-tag family. Things don’t look so bad. 

December comes a flurry of mixed emotions. New York is beautiful during the holiday season. I don’t consider myself a “Christmas person” but seeing the Rockefeller Tree, holiday window displays, markets, and everything else the city has to offer changes a person. Walking along and seeing everyone in a good mood was a blanket of comfort. As was the notion of my imminent return to Minnesota mid-month. 

 And so begins the aforementioned mixed emotions. It’s good to see friends, but I don’t see nearly as many as intended. I sense a theme with that (see: the move). Luckily I didn’t loudly broadcast my return so not  many feel disappointed by us not finding time to meet. Many days are spent at my family’s home just feeling loved. But it’s odd that I’m now forced to sleep on a pull-out sofa and my room has been converted to a sewing/storage room. I enjoy quiet Sundays with my dad watching football. My mother and I more-or-less get along. At least for the first week. The bickering starts five days in. 

The grandma comes to visit. Now I’m not sure how to approach this topic delicately so I’ll just type and move on. It’s nice to see her. But it quickly becomes annoying. Her borderline racism and homophobia quickly tires. I can’t wait for her to return to Iowa so I can spend my last days with just my parents. But then that changes. As does the remainder of my stay. A couple days after Christmas my grandma has a stroke. Not a severe one but it required an ambulance to come to the house and bring her to the hospital. I see Grandma outwardly sob at times and at her very weakest. She’s not completely better but I’d estimate 85%. She was just released from the hospital last night. Her next steps on the road to recovery include staying with my parents for a few more days and then they’ll tentatively bring her back to Iowa. The mother will then stay there for a couple days and the two of them will determine what sort of help she needs. My grandma is stubborn and refuses to live the rest of her days with my parents or in a home. I commend her for that. My only hope is that she will receive a strong support system in Iowa and be tended to without the whole family constantly worried.

Oh yeah, some dick(s) also stole my credit card information. Randomly found that out when checking my bank account for an entirely different reason. In the matter of three days they manage to spend over $1,500. So I got to deal with that drama on top of the daily hospital visits. Disputing claims with the bank and having to life approximately a week without a credit card. I hate living the cash life but now have a sense of fear that my credit card information can be stolen at any time. Especially since the card never left my possession, it’s likely the perpetrator used a reader for a machine I had used and put the number on a card. I express frustrations at my bank how they put a freeze on my account earlier in the year when attempting to get a haircut but charges in Pennsylvania, Texas and Minnesota within a matter of hours raises no flags. 

New Years Eve is quiet. Spent seeing a movie and watching The Walking Dead season 3 marathon. Quiet was needed after the post-Christmas days. 

That was my 2012. There were likely other events that occurred throughout the year that have simply been forgotten in my haze/bad memory. But this was certainly a year of changes for me. This year I’m hoping for a year of great personal growth. 

Since returning to New York I have slumped into a bout of depression. Questioning, “What is home?” and truly upset at the small amount of friends I can physically turn to and complete lack of nearby family. I’m indulging in this depression for the time being but attempting to fully engross myself in the job search. In my mind, obtaining a job will make me feel better. I utterly hate seeing money simply leaving my bank account and nothing going in. I want a job to network and simply meet new people that could become New York friends. At first I didn’t quite understand the warnings of, “You likely won’t feel like you belong in New York for the first year”. The first month felt mostly good. A couple down periods but they were short in duration. I now realize that’s more of less because I had a vacationing mindset. It was just one long vacation and I’ll return to Minnesota. Now that I’m back in New York, in my apartment, and unsure when I’ll be returning to my family I feel more conflicted than ever. 

And how was YOUR year?

Fun fact: If you Google Image search “Daryl Dixon serape” (minus the parentheses) an image from my Tumblr pops up on the first or second page. The image having absolutely nothing to do with Mr. Dixon or even The Walking Dead. 

Still…that’s kinda neat. 

Hello!

Soooo…I’ve become even more horrible at real-life updates. I moved. It went pretty well. I’m going through a bizarre funk right now. 

I too shall add to the masses and compose a, “end of the year summary/reflections on life” post soon. Coming to a computer screen near you!