Walking Dead Summary w/ My Random Thoughts
Season 3, Episode 2: Sick (aka the most idiotic prisoners EVER).
Spoilers ahead! And, warning, there’s a lot of ALL CAPS SPEAK over the course of the episode/summary. Because I was constantly yelling at my TV (no joke) over the behavior and sheer dumbass-ness of a certain group of newly introduced characters.
Was warned before this episode aired that Michonne would not appear so at least there were no surprises there. But, from the looks of it, it’s going to *heavy* focus on her and Andrea next episode.
“Previously on The Walking Dead…” also known as “pull at Tina’s heartstrings while she has to listen to Hershel mewling in agony once again. But we open up with a good o’ fashion standoff. Then we all remember there’s an old man rapidly dying on the floor nearby. No time to talk, we’re going to hoist Hershel on this cart (hello squirty blood), open this door we’ve never opened before, and hope for the best. Sounds reasonable enough. Meanwhile, the inmates temporarily stand around dumbfounded while our rag-tag team tries to navigate their way out. Until the inmates realize this new group is apparently now their enemy and start to chase after them.
Team Ricktatorship (trying to think of a good name for our group) quickly finds their way back despite the onslaught of zombies that were attacking them moments ago. Carol goes quickly to work at pretending to be a doctor. No, you’re just a horrible person. Is this how they’re going to make Carol a useful member of the group? Finally realize she has ZERO skillsets to contribute to the group? And why the hell are they taking orders from her? Anyone could prop Hershel’s leg up. NONE of you have medical experience except for the man who’s presumably on his way out.
If Carol become the group’s second-rate doctor, she’ll likely kill half her patients. She’ll be like The Simpsons’ Doctor Nick without the humor. Or personality. “Hi everybody!” “Fuck you, Carol”.
Everyone’s boy Daryl keeping watch of Cell Block C but lo and behold, the prisoners find their way too. And apparently the block belongs to them. Now are we REALLY supposed to believe the inmates were trapped in the cafeteria for so long? They honestly couldn’t have found their way out before? Because Rick seemed to find his way in with ease. Nevermind, going to have a good ol’ Mexican standoff again.
Real reason the inmates haven’t previously tried to escape: they’re all complete idiots. “Why don’t you take him [Hershel] to a hospital?” SERIOUSLY!? Oh, duh! A hospital! NOT a prison. Why didn’t we think of that? Thank you kind inmates, we’ll be on our way. Cheerio. Oh wait, because it’s the damn zombie apocalypse outside.
And we’re honestly supposed to believe they’ve been locked up in a cafeteria for ten months?! A riot broke out and a random guard decided these five deserved to survive? Bull. And if the Army/National Guard hasn’t shown up now, I’m pretty damn sure they wouldn’t after ten months. Our group said it’s hell outside. But the inmates STILL think cell phones will work? SERIOUSLY!? (note: imagine me yelling “seriously!? Ala Amy Poehler via Weekend Update on SNL). How can you not understand that with “at least half the population wiped out” (I’d say that’s a too generous estimate) there’s NO ONE around.
Our group brings the inmates outside for the first time. And the dumbasses question how our group found their way in. SERIOUSLY!? Did they NOT just tell you everything is not as it was. As in, it’s pretty damn easy to break into anywhere this day in age. And damn straight “Robin Hood” took out all those men. You best respect Daryl and stay on his good side.
Mooooostache man needs to ride the short bus. Although it would be darkly funny to tell these idiots that everyone’s a zombie, just depends on if they’re dead yet. “Infected? Like AIDS?” Can’t comprehend these idiots.
Prisoners, “We were here first!” Rick, “Finders keepers! We spilt blood. Dey dru first bluuuuuuud.” Wait, that last part might be from Rambo. Despite the prisoners saying the group were a bunch of pussies for taking over a cellblock (seriously , guys. Stay on their good side), everyone comes to a compromise that our group will help clear out another block in exchange for half the remaining food. Still no love lost between these two groups.
Cut to Hershel’s cell. Faaaaaaaake blood. There’s no reason both Carol and Lori need to be arms deep in blood. Hands only. Otherwise they’re digging all up in Hershel’s leg. However, knowing the incompetence of both women, anything is possible. Also, the blood wouldn’t be bright red anymore.
Cafeteria. As Daryl said, “you call this a little bit of food?”. That’s more food our group has seen in quite some time and the inmates are worried about starving. And bullshit the only way to escape the kitchen is through the windows. To repeat, buuuuuuuuullshit. Having the crapper hold right next to the food? Seems rather unsanitary… But an ounce of reason with these inmates would surprise me more.
Hershel cell block. Love love love Maggie. She’s remorseful they let her daddy go on the dangerous mission. Yeah, it kinda was. But I imagine the old coot was rather stubborn. And she’s the only one who’s accepted his potential death. Plus, realizes IF he survives, for how long? He won’t be the same man and certainly wouldn’t able to keep up with the group. Sorry reality is such a bitch, Mag. At least you’ve accepted it.
Meanwhile, the littlest Greene is still all naive and slicing up her dad’s pants to give him some sweet one-sided daisy dukes. Sure would be awkward if she was cutting up the wrong pant leg. At least we now find out that Hershel taught Carol a thing or two regarding medicine; but merely in preparation for Lori’s pregnancy. Pretty sure that gives her ZERO experience with chopped off legs. Anyone can still do her “job”.
Under Rick’s orders, Hershel gets cuffed up (smart move). Another blooper would be if the sheriff had lost the key somewhere along the way. Lori then waddles over to Rick to inquire about the prisoners. Rick is rightfully bitter towards the woman. She once again grants him permission to kill in order to protect the group. His response? “Sure, say that now” with such unforgiving grin. Totally calls her out on Shane. Enter a too-little too-late apology for that whole Shane incident. You may believe Rick has no malice in his heart, but you’ve certainly lost your chance to give him advice, Lor.
Time to meet up with the prisoners! I may need to videotape myself during my viewings as I created a little ditty about prepping for some slaughter. Watching the DumbassPrisoners attempt to kill the zombies should certainly be humorous. Yeah, you keep that one gun, Latino inmates. That’ll protect the entire group. Must be one of those magic guns with unlimited ammo. Rather than laugh, shake their heads and walk away, our group still attempts get through the inmates’ thick skulls and tell them the one way to kill the walkers.
Hershel cell. Maggie asks for a minute alone and says her goodbyes. Grants Hershel permission to pass once assuring them they’ll be safe and will be able to move on. Really generous and touching moment, especially since he IS her father. Totally respect that. However, at the same time, it was almost like Maggie was temporarily the angel of death. Glad the writers didn’t go the cliche route and have Hershel stop breathing once she gave her permission. Thanking Hershel for all he’s done? Oh, Maggie. I heart you.
Back to the inmates. To quote Star Wars, “I have a bad feeling about this”. Have a feeling it’s not going to work out well with these dumbass prisoners. No surprise, the prisoners break formation, scream like banshees and attack. Although at first it looked like they ran away like little girls, screaming the whole while.
SHIV SHIV SHIV
SHANK SHANK SHANK
Inmates, “Oh noooooes, they won’t die!” Our group, “you’re fucking insane and deserve to die”. Love the fact our group is staring at them in disbelieve like, “did we NOT just tell you head shots only?” and “fucking dumbasses deserve to get eaten” and “they crazy crackers!”
Seriously, They deserve to die. How many stomach shivs does it take for them to realize the walkers are immune? Just…my god.
Hershel cell. Carl comes back with oodles of medical supplies. Foraged himself, found the infirmary and managed to kill a couple stray walkers. I’m torn between thinking he’s alright by me this season and slapping the boy upside the head for going solo. Lori opts for the yelling route. Carl retaliates with a, “get off my back”. Carl was so proud and Lori is so pissed. Beth sets Carl right with a, “she’s your mother. You can’t talk to her like that”. Carl storms off like a bitch knowing he lost his shot with Beth.
Prisoners. “Bitches, I told you the brain!” Inmates, listen up. Learn from the master that is Daryl Dixon. No more prison riot crap.
Me internally: “RIOT!” “Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch!” See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7jJh8pP9qo.
Ricktatorship sets the prisoners straight and the group formation seems to work quite well when taking on another horde. Until Tiny Tim (Big Tiny) gets scared and backs away. Why does the big black guy always seem to get scared and creep away? No surprise, there’s a couple of stranglers. And rather that gong for headshots, he pushes them away. Big mistake. Handcuff zombie slips out of his restraints and attacks. Does Big Tiny/Tiny Tim get scratched or bit? Either way, Latino prisoner kills the attacking zombie via bullets. No one addresses the fact he likely caused another horde to hear them. Rather, we have to address the fact one of us current non-walkers needs to get offed.
Hershel cell. Carol, “Bandages will help hold up from infection”. Umm, what? I’d say the other treatments Carol brought back will do the trick rather than some gauze. Good thing Hershel taught you all this medical knowledge. No one else could have known how to bandage up a wound. Carol’s work is clearly done and asks Glen for help on something else. Now, if you were the least bit smart you’d realize staying watch takes precedence over whatever little side action you want. Just stop. But it’s important? No, I guarantee you it’s not more important than staying behind to make sure the ONE person with a medical background stays alive.
Prisoners. “Tis but a scratch!” Bit of a shame because it does look like a scratch. I’m sick and probably would have quarantined him just to see how long a life a scratch gives you. They did the same with…that guy in season 1. Why not lock Big Tiny up? Nope, Latino decides to take care of the job. Several times over. Nd that homicidal look afterwards? Rick best watch his back.
Cut to Carol. Big secret mission is to get a female zombie and make her a C-section dummy. “That one” Don’t order Glen around, woman.
Just why exactly is Glen needed for this? And why is this more important than Hershel? Keep the man alive and you won’t need to slice up Lori by yourself. And just throwing this out there, but I imagine cutting up a non-pregnant zombie is going to be different than a pregnant woman. Feel like stuff expands when there’s a baby inside you… Ah. Glen is needed to distract zombies.
Prisoners. Back to the cellblock for some more killing. “See the look he had on his face? If he makes one move, just give me a signal.” BROMANCE. And yeah, glad they’re onto Homicidal!Latino too. Enter the laundry room. Scrub a dub dub, let’s get that murderous zombie blood off us.
Homicidal!Latino once again proves he’s utterly worthless but opening both doors in the next room rather than the one as Rick JUST ordered. Twink black guy, why haven’t you wrapped some chain around that bat yet? A mere wooden bat ain’t gonna get you far.
Hooooooly shit, Latino tried to slice up Rick. That’s NOT going to fly. Oh, even better, he also throws a live zombie on top of Rick. Daryl helps a bro out and kills the attacking zombie. Shit is going down!
Rick = total badass. He took out the Latino! There really is no time for talk and understanding now. Bitch got SLICED. Most of the other surviving prisoners have common sense and don’t retaliate. Except twink black guy who runs off. Rick decides to chase after. Why? Let the bastard die. He’s not going to make it far on his own. Guess it’s a matter of principle.
Rick catches up, twink black guy (also known as Andrew) ends up in the yard only to be outnumbered by walkers. Rick once again shows there’s no time for remorse and locks the bastard up. “You better run”. Odd Rick didn’t think about running into walkers when chasing Andrew. He was overcome with revenge killin’. I’m on TeamRick with his decision to let the bastard die. If the surviving prisoners are allowed to join Rick’s group, Andrew would be a huge liability and likely would double-cross.
Note: prison arc is certainly taking a much different turn that the comic series!
Afterwards, Chris Hardwick on The Talking Dead stated he thought Rick had the same expression as Tomas (aka Homicidal!Latino) when locking up Andrew. I wouldn’t say he doomed the twink. More like the twink doomed himself.
Back to Cell Block C. I’m still thinking Hershel is going to turn. His breathing does come to a halt and everyone stands around like dumbasses. Or like the prisoners, it seems. CPR, bitches. C.P.R. Of all people, Lori steps in and saves the day. And I bet literally every person watching thought Hershel had turned and bit her face. Probably about 75% wish he had too. Yet, Lor saves the day! Kinda. Hershel is still not out of the clearing.
Laundry Room. Mooooostache man pleads for his life. Oscar is a mofo and ain’t never pleaded for his life before. Oscar may already be a bigger badass than T-Dog. Oscar certainly has already had more lines than T-Dog had all of last season.
Sorry, Oscar, only got room in the group for one black guy. *bang* Wait, that didn’t happen. Rather, our group sends off the two surviving inmates to the block cleared out. I kinda concur with the prisoners; two against the world seems like the shaft. Fuck, those prisoners look so helpless. How long until they’re allowed to join the group? We already know Moooooostache Man is in for drugs, not murder. Oscar might be another story.
Hershel cell. Rick and his group have finally returned after another trying day of InmatesZombie and DumbassPrisoners killing. The sheriff crouches down by Hershel. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, here comes the hopping Hershel. Seriously, why was everyone so gun-ho on being that close to his face? I was convinced right up to the very end of the scene Hershel was a walker/hopper. Just the way his hand was outreached and not saying a thing. You’re a total tease, AMC. Having Daryl walk up to a grave and it not even be in the episode. Future scene or did AMC give us the slip?
Cut to Carol. She starts slicing up the not-pregnant zombie chick not realizing someone is watching from the brush. Someone from Woodbury, perhaps?
Somewhere in the prison, Rick stumbles upon Lori looking pensive. The prison yard will give Carl a safe place to do…whatever he does these days. You know, Lori, you CAN keep watch over him. Stop being self-absorbed and realize when your child wanders off. Although Carl is redeeming himself this season after that Dale debacle (RIP Dale).
“For the record I don’t think you’re bad mother…just a self-absorbed bitch.” Part of that may have been completed by me. But we were all thinking it. “I thought maybe you were coming out to talk about us” “Nope, just wanted to get some fresh air away from everyone. Including you.” Again, part of that may have been made up by me.
Can we all deduce Rick and Lori officially done at this point? Especially, after that awkward hand on Lori’s shoulder. Yeah, we done. Grateful you saved Hershel’s life but we done. That’ll do, pig. That’ll, do. Rick might be dead on the inside.
Favorite person in the episode: Rick. For being a badass and handling the Dumbass Prisoners so well. I think we all know now not to fuck with Rick.
Least favorite: The prisoners. They were a collective force of idiocy. Don’t think I’ve ever yelled at my tv so much in frustration
Favorite zombie: Handcuff zombie. Because he didn’t give a shit slipping out of those cuffs cut off his arm.
Post Walking Dead
Possibly learn more about the mysterious helicopter. Before it crashes and all within perish.
Wil Wheaton and homicidal maniac Latino. Who looks like a gigolo in real life.
“Rick will destroy you. And Carol will experiment on you”. Just remember, a trait of a psychopath is they start experimenting on animals before upgrading to people.
“Don’t trust the white man!”
Fun fact: Rick/Andrew Lincoln had to cut off Hershel’s leg twice in the previous episode as too much blood splattered on the camera the first time.
Image courtesy of http://smells-like-carrots.tumblr.com/